White House UFC cage turns Rogan into the safety inspector

America is celebrating 250 years of self-government by asking: can an octagon fit on the South Lawn? Crews are building a UFC setup for June 14, the same day Trump turns 80, and Joe Rogan — a man professionally comfortable beside cage fights — is now the guy worrying about D.C. heat, dehydration, and bugs. That is the whole bit: the White House has made the UFC commentator sound like the National Park Service. Dana White keeps building, security keeps planning, and Washington has found a new separation of powers: executive, legislative, judicial, and whoever is in charge of mosquito control.